What Does It Mean to Be a Teacher

To be a teacher is to be an embodied hope. It’s to be a lighthouse that doesn’t show the target but the very way that leads to it. It’s to be a builder of minds and generations using different types of cements to make every brick effectively fit. It’s to give away and expand. It’s to sell with zero expectation of any value in return. It’s to be a mixture of a person, a prophet and an angel knowing exactly when to switch between the three. It’s when someone comes to you and says thank you; you changed my life.

A Lesson From The Zahir

Thanks to the person who recommended The Zahir to me. Coelho’s The Zahir is one of few books that I find really talking to me. Like most of his books, in The Zahir I feel that wisdom arises above the events. This is, however, not to underestimate the plot of this novel, but I personally enjoyed the philosophical aspect of it, the brilliant comments and the impressive analysis he appears to make on the events as they unfold.

One of the touching thoughts Coelho puts forward, which really stroke me, is the idea that some people tend to live a history of theirs. This happens when at a point in one’s own life, things start to change between couples, friends, siblings, employees, etc. As a result, the glow in the meeting eyes is being put out, what used to be so interesting to share does not even exist, and an end needs to be marked for something used to be pleasant. Therefore, one will feel bad, disappointed, frustrated or even betrayed. While that’s so normally expected and logically coherent, the problem is reliving this point around the clock for nothing but to feel the same pain and undergo the same suffering. You enslave yourself for a three letter word - WHY. Yes it could have been better without it, but since it happened (no matter why or how) does it make you any good to live it again?

It is true that thinking about the problem and how and why it happened can lead to solving it. Yet, as you know, this does not always happen. However, there is something which can help you know if this kind of reflection may result in finding solutions or it will only make you suffer and torture yourself more and more. According to Coelho, there are signs that you need to watch out for. These signs will tell you if there are any other solutions to the problem. In case there are none, then they will hint to you that termination is your only salivation.

It is really fascinating to put it that way. When I think about it now, I can see that it is absolutely true. I believe that such signs could be concrete (e.g. what/how the other person says, does, reacts) and they could be abstract like thoughts, feelings, emotions and (my favourite) “vibrations”. Don’t be naïve and read the signs carefully. If it is termination you decide, then of course it will never run smooth, but remember that almost every good thing starts with a hardship. Beware that misreading them means that you are wasting your life.

Bearing Grudges: is not always bad, or is it not?!

When Sheikh Khalfan Al Aisari was asked to give his opinion about bearing grudges, he answered by narrating a story. The story was about a schoolteacher who asked her little students to think of how many people they bear grudges against. The students came with different numbers in their heads. Then the teacher asked them to go out and collect stones as big as their fists and as many as the people they bear grudges against. So the little ones came in; some with one stone, some with two, others with three, and some even with more. The teacher asked them to put those stones in their bags and keep them there. They were excited at the beginning; bragging about how many they have in their bags and laughing at those who didn’t have as many as they did. Towards the end of the week, their attitude changed and they started to complain about the stones in their bags and how difficult it was to move because of them. At that moment, the teacher asked them to take them out, and she told that that was exactly what would happen in their real life when they go around bearing grudges against other people.

While I totally agree on this, I’m not sure, though, if it is always the case. There are exactly two areas that this view seems to fail to highlight about bearing grudges.

One is that bearing grudges, I assume, is not one absolute thing. For me, it is graded and has levels from zero to ... - I don’t know you tell me, one hundred, a thousand or a million maybe -?! On this continuum (that is, from zero to infinity of bearing grudges) lies different feelings such as unsatisfactoriness, annoyance, disliking, resentfulness, hatred, loathing, etc. To put it another way, not all the stones you put in your bag are the same size, some are tiny and others are huge. It all depends on why one decides to bear grudges against someone else.

Now since it is a continuum, then I could presume that it has another end which represents the opposites of what is on this one. So on the other end, there might be acceptance, liking, love, passion, etc; as far you can get from bearing grudges as far you can move on this other continuum.

The other point is that not all grudges are going to weigh you down. This happens when the grudge is set at the level of zero. That is, it is not really hatred or even a feeling of annoyance with someone. It is more like blocking that person by avoiding dealing with him or making any connections. This one has its own reasons too, but most probably, I would say, it is due to the fact that you have never dealt with this person or because a movement from either end of this continuum has been made into the zero level. Therefore, sometimes bearing grudges is something healthy. Yes I really believe in this. For example, if you constantly get annoyed by someone you respect, like or even love, instead of deciding to move that person to the other end and start hating him/her, you just block him and keep him distant, which is sometimes good for both of you, isn’t it? However, this is not to say that this is what happens always. Sometimes you can sort things out by talking the problem over, and as a result you may move further to a better point or at least stay where you are. Of course moving to the opposite end is still a possible result here.

I don’t want you to understand that I am encouraging bearing grudges here. All what I’m saying is that sometimes it is a healthy solution when conflicts occur between people. If I am promoting anything by this, it would be the zero level of bearing grudges, which is a temporary station you sometimes find yourself compelled to stop at. At least it could allow you time to think and decide what level you need to stop at with this person. It is only here where if you cannot love someone you don't hate him either.

PENDULUM

Left and right, up and down
moving but not moving!
pendulum, pendulum

Homey pigeon is my pain
thought it would be hunger
stomach’s full, pain would remain
In fact it would get stronger

Feeling down, smiling a clown
happy, but not happy!
pendulum, pendulum

Cutting deep the walls of my throat
Down right into my wounded heart
picking an end of its weary stitches,
They’d fly rending their peace bridges

Dropping tears, shutting down
crying but not crying
pendulum, pendulum

Settling in my heart, all my pigeons
their feathers of blades now on fire
that’s the source of my pain, a craving desire
witnessing it all, my soul sobs tears of hymns

holding up, moving on
living but not living
I’m a pendulum, I’m a pendulum!

The Adjustment Bureau

When the heart chooses and you accept; be ware because you are going to be tested. Passing some of those tests requires risking everything and only then you will be able to write your own plan. This is what I got out of a movie I just watched. I haven’t thought that I would write on this blog of mine something about a movie I watched; however, The Adjustment Bureau was not like any other movie I watched. I got answers for questions could have turned my life upside down if they passed unanswered. That movie pretty much saved my life.

There is something I have been fighting for for more than six years now. All through that quest I have been hit hard constantly. Some of those hits were hard enough to knock me down and keep me there for a while. To be honest not only the hits that were knocking me down, but also the very fact that the hitters some times were people whom I loved. Every time I was down, something, I could not tell what, got me up to my knees and then without a moment of hesitation I was on my way again. That is, it was not about being down; it was what I did when I got up that really mattered.

The last hit was just yesterday, and that hit was different due to its timing. It came right after hearing a phrase still ringing in my ear (sorry I can’t reveal it here; I prefer keeping it for myself). Anyway, that phrase got me thinking for the first time whether that quest was worth it or not. It was just a thought which I am sure will never occur again because I am still holding that thing which gets me up whenever I am down. I was just worried that those hits meant to show me that I needed to diverge and take another way.

The Adjustment Bureau offered me answers which I would never get in a better way. It showed me that those hits were not signs telling me stop, take another way; rather, they were tests which I successfully passed. Those tests were like closed doors which I had no idea what was behind them. The only thing I knew was that I needed to pass through them if I wanted to pursue my aim. So, every time I was encountered by a closed door, I risked everything, opened that door and walked through well aware that both results were possible, success and failure.

Now I realize that there are going to be more closed doors ahead. I am not going to stop and deviate because of somebody’s door. Whatever it takes, I am going to smash it down and go on seeking myself. Such doors are the end of somebody’s plan; behind them is my own, and I have chosen mine to live.

When Men Cry

Despite having more than 90 students' paragraphs waiting to be checked and more than 50 papers of a grammar quiz to be corrected, I postponed them because I needed to get this thing off my chest.

I was working late (as it seems to be the case with me these days!). He was very kindly and patiently waiting for me (as his usual habit) to finish and get out, so that he could lock the department and go home. He then decided to come into my office. I received him with an apologetic smile. he returned it back with his usual sincere and genuine smile. He grabbed a chair and sat down. I thought he was tired of waiting; I wish that was the reason, but unfortunately it wasn't. I continued greeting him as I turned back to my computer's screen. He said in his simple Arabic, "You know Mr. Faisal? I've been discharged!!". I stopped working and turned to him. He was already lowering his head. I asked him, "What do you mean?" He replied, " They told me this morning that they no longer need me". My tongue, my brain, every thing failed to help me say something. Seconds later, he burst into tears. He immediately held himself up and left. Hearing that news was like getting a sudden electric shock. I knew he would come back but I was still suffering to grasp it.

I couldn't believe that they actually thought of firing him. I haven't seen or known a cleaner who brings from his home frankincense to burn it where he works. He must be special when he thinks of extra duties to do voluntarily for nothing but the good of the place where he works. Yes he came back five minutes later. The best thing I could think of was to listen to him. He sat down again and no sooner than uttering the first word when he chocked in tears again. He couldn't help it. He was talking and crying at the same time. I felt helpless and useless, and the only thing I could say was telling him that that might be a reason for him to get a better job since they are offering these 50000 jobs now. But again he proved to me the uniqueness and the goodness of himself when he said, "You are right, but I'm used to this place now". I knew that he meant I love this place how can I leave it?

Five minutes later, we exchanged goodbyes. I may not see him again, but his words will keep echoing in my ears for ever. You know what? I'm not only sad because he lost his job which God knows how many people depend on it to survive, or because we lost such a diligent worker; I'm not sad only because he has to pay for someone else's mistake; I'm not only sad sad because he is one of many victims of the free, greedy and bloodthirsty beasts out there, I'm actually a shamed. if this is his feeling toward that place and he is in charge of having the classrooms and corridors clean, what about me and I'm the one who is responsible of students, people. Do I have that kind of feeling? Do I have that kind of spirit? Do I have that inner derive?!

Yes, I will not see Salah tomorrow, but his goodness will always be there. He has left his footprint on that place, and this is something not any one can do, only great people can. Thank you Salah; you taught me a lot.

The Unkissable

You know you’ve kissed my soul
So please be gentle

Used to be the unkissable soul
Now it’s sinking

The redness of your rouge
Stained then turned to purple

The warmth of your lips
Drained my nerves and kernel

You’ve kissed my soul
But you left after all

Now it’s scattered into pieces
Big and small

Mass of flesh, group of bones
Dumped down grave's hall

It’s been kissed, my unkissable soul